Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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