Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
