Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
