I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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