You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
