lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
