yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
