She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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