I am spending my child support on dildos
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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