Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
