I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
