Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
