In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
