'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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