They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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