So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
