I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
