the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
