Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
