I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
