I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
