Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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