my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
