Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
