I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
