He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
