im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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