Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
