Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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