I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
