i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
