There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
