i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
