Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
