just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
