I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize