THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
