So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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