while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
