There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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