He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize