I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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