if i can run in heels then i can drive
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
