she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
