Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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