just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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