I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
