Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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