I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
