And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
