I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
