She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hate all girls vehemently.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize