it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
