I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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