WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
