I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
