i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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