We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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