Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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