My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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