A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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