Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
