Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
