Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
