you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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