How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
