Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize