also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
