i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm really busy with my period
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