Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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