There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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