There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
