You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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