I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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