He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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