Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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