I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
