So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
