i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
