the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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