you win again, gameday.
should my penis look like a turkey
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
