I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
