so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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