so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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