I think I won the penis lottery.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
