Jerry, you need to find god
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
